Glinda was high
by Tdfgh1
Summary: When Glinda first meets Dorothy in Munchkinland she behaves weirdly - singing and dancing with a grin plastered on her face. Thats because she was trippy.
1. Chapter 1

Nessarose Thropp; The Wicked Witch of the East, Glinda's old friend from Shiz was dead, crushed under a _house_ of all things. It was going to be a ghastly mess to clean up; they'll probably need shovels to scrape the body off the ground. Glinda shuddered just thinking about it, imagining flesh and mashed organs spattered on the yellow brick. _Nasty._

She stood by the green, marble vanity in her suite in the Emerald Palace. She gazed at her reflection, her 38 year old face concealed by layers of cosmetics. She could hardly believe her life had come to this, her friends; dear loud mouth Elphie, scarred by politics, Fiyero, vanished, Boq and suicidal Milla brainwashed by the Wizard's propaganda, Nessa, a bloody pancake, Crope and Tibbet, dead and everyone else consumed by society. And then there was herself, Glinda the Good on the other side of it all yet she had let everyone to rot. She was almost forty and had done nothing with her life.

But then again, all she was was an appealing face to represent the Wizard, nothing more. She took orders, she had no mind of her own – perhaps she was even under a spell from when Morrible summoned them and Nessa to become adepts or something. Well if she was puppet, she'll make herself immune to manipulation. By being already defective.

It was a start wasn't it?

She stood still for a moment, listening for footsteps despite the fact that the door was locked. It was just instinctive to check. She heard nothing and opened a drawer, hardly believing she was doing this. She took out a bag of vibrant, white powder, the texture of flour and carefully tipped some of it onto the vanity. She took the flat side of a comb and chopped it up into a neat series of strips before leaning over and inhaling.

* * *

She was full of elation and unaware of the stupid, wide eyed grin she had plastered on her face. She flew in her bubble, dressed in the most outrageous outfit complete with a cheap tiara she had since she was ten and her old training wand from Shiz. But hell! She was Glinda the Good! She was a…a fairy and might as well be dressed appropriately.

She was humming an upbeat, jolly tune as she looked down on Colwen grounds, houses blown over, years of topsoil scattered all over the place, seeping into every nook and cranny, and troops of paramedics marching grimly from place to place like an undamaged beacon among the mess.

Their helmets were shiny!

She flew, faster than she had ever flown, zipping along air currents and waving enthusiastically when she came across a flock of geese or was it Geese? Geese were nice, they deserved a good wave and she was practically bouncing in her bubble, waving both hands in the air and shouting:

"Heeeeey!" The Geese turned their heads; their bird brows raised. They sped away, muttering amongst one another.

She was approaching the centre of Colwen Grounds, she could see the house, made of dull plaster with an even duller wooden porch. And there was a girl, perhaps around 12, dressed in a blue checkered dress and carrying a basket with some kind of rat dog in it. Or perhaps it was a Dog? She'll have to ask. She emerged from her bubble and stood, feeling incredibly light like she could run a marathon across Oz. In fact, she couldn't really feel the ground, it was as if she was walking on air. She grinned in elation, forgetting how idiotic she must look. Dorothy stared at her in shock.

"Now I know I'm not in Kansas." she muttered.

"Are you a good Witch or a bad Witch?" asked Glinda as it was the first thing that came to mind. What did the girl consider herself? Killing someone like this.

"Who me?" asked Dorothy and Glinda nodded. "Well I…..I'm not a Witch at all. I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas."

"Oh!" What about the dog - or was it a Dog? She couldn't even tell the difference any more, hardly anybody could nowadays. "Well then…..is that the Witch?" she pointed her wand at the dog or Dog. It's possible for Dogs to be Witches right? She didn't see why not, in fact she could see everything! It was all so much clearer – the vibrant blue of the smashed fountain, the rich brown of up turned soil. All so pretty.

"You mean _Toto?_" Dorothy looked closer at Glinda, her eyes narrowed while Glinda bobbed her head up and down. Yes. "Well Toto's…..my dog."

So it's a dog!

"Well then I'm a little muddled!" she giggled like a drunken college girl. She could almost feel the drugs coursing through her veins like engine fuel, her hands twitching slightly. "Cuz the Munchkins called me because a new Witch had just dropped a house on the Wicked Witch of the East! And there's the house and here _you _are and that's all that's left of the Wicked Witch of the East!"

Even in her state of pure happiness, she could barely bring herself to glance at the remains of Nessarose Thropp; those striped stockings Elphie had given her, which Ama Clutch had knitted when they were first years. And the shoes the Witch's father had made, that vexed Elphie into a state loathing. Dorothy gasped at the sight, her eyes wide in horror.

"So what the Munchkins want to know is if you're a good Witch or a bad Witch!" _What are you Dorothy? Good, bad?_

"But I've already told you, I'm not a Witch at all." Glinda frowned. Wrong context. "Witches are old and ugly." The Munchkins snickered in their hiding places and Glinda joined them, their laughter contagious. What an incredibly childish proclamation, drawn directly from a fairytale. Dorothy looked startled and flinched at the sound, whipping her head around to face the bushes. "What was that?" she asked.

"The Munchkins! They're laughing because I _am _a Witch! I am Glinda the Good Witch of the North!" and she sputtered with laughter at the statement, the outrageousness of it all. She could hear the Munchkins muttering amongst each other, staring at Glinda with quizzical expressions. Dorothy looked shocked and immediately began to fuss over herself, frantically dusting the grit of Kansas soil off her blouse, straightening her dress the best she could after being swept up by a tornado and falling from the sky. Then she curtsied awkwardly.

"You are!" she exclaimed. "Oh I beg your pardon but I've never heard of a beautiful Witch before!"

"No only _bad _Witches are ugly!" Glinda replied, secretly mocking the girl and giggling as Dorothy stood still in awe. It was hilarious! The girl was completely oblivious she was being made fun of. "The Munchkins are happy because you have freed them from the _Wicked Witch of the East."_ Glinda was having fun with the girl, sarcastically drawing out the title of Wicked Witch, seething. Dorothy didn't notice.

"Oh but if you please, what are Munchkins?"

"Munchkins are the little people that live in this land." The Munchkins tittered at the insult and Glinda's grin expanded. _Hah!_ she thought._ Little people like…like gnomes! Take that you small minded sons of bitches!_ She was feeling unusually bold. "It's Munchkinland and you are their national heroine my dear." Dorothy looked terrified at the prospect and was about to retort when Glinda quickly turned away. "It's all right!" she called to the pissed off Munchkins. "You may all come out and greet her!"

The Munchkins emerged from the underbrush, scowling at Glinda, their eyes narrowed and their arms crossed.

They didn't look happy Glinda observed. Well that wouldn't do, she needed them to be happy if they were going to properly greet the child, and children don't react well with angry people. Glinda racked her mucked up brain. _What makes people happy?_ She asked herself. _Something uplifting I suppose, like…like a happy tune! Songs always work; in campaigns and to change to mood of things, their catchiness and melodies used as influences. _She could give them a happy, catchy song and cheer them up!

Glinda sang the first thing that came to mind.

"_Come out; come out, where ever you are…"_

Jaws dropped as anger suddenly turned to shock, fear and for some; amusement. The Munchkins stood where they were, having no idea what to make of this spectacle. Frexpar simply walked away. The world had come to an end.

"_And meet the young lady who fell from a star!"_ Dorothy inched away from Glinda, her brow raised.

"_She fell from the sky, she fell very far!"_

"_And Kansas she says is the name of that star!"_

She couldn't sing as well as Elphie. Perhaps she could try some vibrato?

"_She brings you good news, oh haven't you heard?" _She ended up rolling the Rs.

"_When she fell out of Kansas, a miracle occurred." _

It's a miracle she's not dead, thought Glinda. But she couldn't include that in the song, it was too dark.

"Er it really was no miracle." said Dorothy hesitantly. "The wind started picking up and the house pitched– and there was a Witch! I….I saw her on a broom stick thumbing for a hitch or something, I think she wanted to get out of the storm."

"That's rich." muttered a middle aged Munchkin, rolling his eyes.

"_Ding Dong the Witch is dead! Which old Witch? The Wicked Witch!"_ Glinda sang at the top of her lungs with the most upbeat melody she could muster.

It was her job to deliver the Wizard's bullshit. She wasn't straying from her task; she was merely being outrageous for she figured it wasn't _really _lying if everything she said was put sarcastically. Plus she enjoyed belting out the hidden truth in her tone, even if it remained hidden for it was truthful nothingness.

"_Ding dong the_ _Wicked Witch is dead!" _She grinned as the Munchkins stared at her, oblivious to her meaning. It was hilariously pathetic.

"_Wake up you sleepy head, rub your eyes get out of bed!"_

"_Wake up the Wicked Witch is dead!"_

"Yeah, she's hookin up with Goblins!" yelled a cocky teenage boy and his neanderthal friends snickered at the remark. It reminded Glinda of Avaric.

"_She's gone where the Goblins go, below, below, below"_

"_Yo – ho, lets open up and sing."_

"_And ring the bells out." _

_Ding dong, the merry oh, sing it high, sin it low!"_

"_Let them know the Wicked Witch is dead!"_

That must have cheered the crowd up!

Dorothy looked extremely uneasy, her eyes wide as she exchanged glances with amused, concerned Munchkins who simply shrugged back at her. She shuffled as discreetly as possible away from the crazy woman, not sure if walking away would be rude. So she stayed near Glinda, in front of the crowd until the Mayor of Munchkinland himself boldly strode forward and quickly ushered her away.

Glinda was about to retaliate when an explosion shook her to the core and a plume of red sprung from the ground. Then Elphie emerged; dear grown up Elphie dressed as dark as ever with a cone shaped hat perched on her head and a broom under her arm.

She really did look like a Witch, Glinda decided.


	2. Chapter 2

This was so ironic! The accused Witch had actually turned into a Witch!

Glinda couldn't stop laughing, it just carried on and on but she didn't really try to stop it. She could use some cheering up and laughter was the best wasn't it?

Dorothy had scurried back to Glinda's side, her face pale, looking panicked.

"I thought you said she was dead!" she hissed.

"She _is_ dead." replied Glinda, her laughter finally subsiding. She wasn't lying when she said this. Elphaba the delirious was truly dead. Gone was the idealistic college girl, curled up in her bed, her long, poky nose stuck in some book as she provoked Glinda to _think_ for once instead of flow, to just go along with things. Elphaba had grinned at her then as she realized the accomplishment, green ears sticking out like a child's…..

"This is the Wicked Witch of the West!" continued Glinda, grinning at her inside joke. It really was clever of her wasn't it? To know the irony and to notice it. She liked the feeling, she was happy… was she yelling? Oh to hell with it if she was. What did it matter anyway? "She has it worse than the other one!"

Dorothy made a sound like an exclamation, glancing up at Glinda with wide, disbelieving eyes. As if to say _what the hell are you doing?_ Horrified.

Yeah, she was probably yelling.

"Who killed my sister, the _Witch of the East_?" said the Witch in Elphaba's, sarcastic, serious tone. "Was it you?"

Yes it was me! Glinda felt like shouting. She loved inside jokes; it was as if the Witch and she were still best friends.

"N - No!" said Dorothy, obliviously playing along. Glinda began to giggle. "No it was an accident! I wouldn't kill anyone!"

"Well my little pretty." The Witch marched right up to Glinda but then glared down at Dorothy. "_I _can cause accidents too!"

The Witch's face held the exact same expression as when the Ruby Slippers first came to Shiz. Glinda remembered reading notes to distract herself from Elphaba who was sulking over the sting of being overlooked by Frex, standing by the window, her hands clenching and unclenching themselves as she glared at the courtyard below, the eyes narrowed angrily, unhappy.

Glinda never wanted to see that look again yet here it was, directed at a cowering little girl. Poor Dorothy. She wasn't t the only thing in the world to be mad about.

"Aren't you forgetting the Ruby Slippers?" piped up Glinda.

The Witch's face lit up.

"The slippers! Yes. The slippers…."

Her voice was cunning, as if she had gotten away with something, like she _wanted_ something. The Witch was still mad. It seemed she hadn't gotten the message which was peculiar for Elphaba would have picked up on it, she was smart. Perhaps the Witch had turned out differently.

Glinda was almost frustrated. Now what?

She needed to remind the Witch of the slippers, of Elphaba and her former self, how she'd been stung, infuriated like how Dorothy was doing now. Glinda had to somehow show the connection and…and put them together!

"They're gone!" exclaimed the Witch and Glinda snapped to attention. But was it too late? Glinda looked at the Witch; the sadistic hollowness of her face, of Elphie's grown up face. There was no changing that at this point. Glinda was too late but perhaps that was a good thing. It was one less thing to worry about – sure it'll be depressing for a while but there's no point troubling over it now. It was done and there was nothing anyone could do about it. A burden had been lifted.

"The Ruby Slippers!" snapped the Witch. "What have you done with them? Give them back to me or I'll….."

"It's too late!" replied Glinda brightly. But hell, she might as well give it one last go. "There they are!" she pointed her wand at Dorothy's feet as if the slippers had been miraculously transported. "And there they'll stay."

Glinda heard Dorothy gasp. Looks like the girl caught on to Glinda's plan! This might actually work with her playing along.

"Give me back my Slippers," seethed the Witch. "I'm the only one who knows what to do with them; they're no use to you. Give them back. Give them back!"

_I'm the only one who know what to do with them?_ What did that mean? Do what? Unless the Witch was joking. Yes! That must be it! The Witch had caught on and was now joking along with them, just for fun. Like Elphaba.

"Keep tight inside of them!" said Glinda, playing along, pretending to whisper to Dorothy. She could feel giggles rising in her throat. "They're magick must be _very powerful_. Or else she wouldn't want them so badly!"

Glinda looked back at Elphaba who feigned an expression of fury.

"YOU –"

Glinda snapped, she simply couldn't hold it back anymore, this was so funny! Such a hilarious joke!

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Elphaba blinked, snapping from fury to confusion, lurching back from her hunched position to stare at Glinda, her brow raised and her eyes wide in surprise. What the hell was this? Had Glinda been like this the whole time? She exchanged glances with the girl, Dorothy was it? The poor thing looked like she wanted to run for the hills.

"You…" Elphaba paused as Glinda fell into raucous hysterics, tears forming in her eyes to form black, sparkly streaks down her face. "You can just….. stay out of this, Glinda…."

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA!"

"…..Or I'll have to fix you."

"HAHAHAHAHAHA RUBISH! " Glinda shouted, lurching forward in a mock shooing motioning, grinning widely as Elphaba recoiled. "You have no power here! Now be gone before something drops a house on you too!"

"Err….very well then, I'll bide my time" Elphaba turned to Dorothy and decided for once to be gentle. The girl was terrified enough without having a green person snapping at her. "As for you," she said in a normal voice. "I'll deal with you later. And your dog."

Glinda watched with satisfaction as Elphaba turned and left in a red cloud like a Witch. A caricature of a Witch.

It seemed it wasn't too late after all.


End file.
